I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door. Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

Sorry I'm not sorry for getting this song stuck in your head.  But since we learned so much about identifying and owning our feelings last week, today we are going to jump right back in and feel some more emotions. GET EXCITED.

If I could name one mental illness I have learned most about through clinical experiences at the hospital, it would hands down be bipolar disorder. You can only read about bipolar characteristics so much in books, but witnessing a manic or depressive episode and the swings between in person is on an entirely different level. As I started leading groups and realized how chaotic a room full of people experiencing manic episodes can truly be, I decided to educate myself on what to do!

So the overall goal of treatment for bipolar disorder and really for anybody is to maintain a baseline of moods and emotions. This obviously is incredibly difficult for anybody with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. So what can we realistically do to combat or alleviate these mood swings?

Self awareness, my friends, seems to be the key to everything. After hearing the many stories of my patients with mood regulation issues, each individual with bipolar disorder is unique. Their manic and depressive episodes can look quite different and display unique symptoms. So, if anything is possible during my limited time with my patients, it is to encourage them to develop a better understanding of how their moods change and what that looks like. 

For example, when during the day am I most likely to feel depressed or sad? What am I doing or who am I around when I happen to feel alone or lonely? Am I alert enough in the morning to get out of bed or go to work or take care of my kids? Often times, even I am unaware of my mood changes throughout the day. But understanding what factors may affect our moods can be incredibly helpful in regulating them.

So here is my super cool helpful mood chart. You write down your mood throughout the day, potentially adding in what you were doing, where you were, or what may have caused a mood change, in order to promote greater awareness. And once you fill it out, I would encourage the individual to find commonalities such as, "Oh, I seem to have a tendency to feel depressed in the evening when I am with my significant other," and from there behavioral changes can be made in order to alleviate the negative affects. For example in this situation that mean working in some alone time in the evening in order to let off steam if there are issues in the relationship causing added stress.

So there you have it, mood charting! TA-DAH! I would definitely suggest this for more people than just those with bipolar disorder. As I said, even I am sometimes unaware of my mood changes throughout the day. This could be helpful with a person struggling with a multitude of mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. 

I Just Have a Lot of Feelings...

Ever feel like you just have too many feelings? Like you just wanna curl up in bed and eat 7 bowls of Reese's Puffs?

I know, I know. It happens to the best of us.

So often as humans we let our emotions take hold of us. We sometimes let one small issue get in the way of a good day and sometimes even treat people like crap because of it! But before we tackle how to lessen the negative effects of these feelings, we have to learn how to label them and know why the hell we are so freaked out in the first place!

A common technique used in therapy involves encouraging the client to use "I feel" statements. Instead of the oh so common habit of saying "I feel like....," clients are forced to choose a particular adjective, or feeling word to describe what they are currently experiencing. This is incredibly helpful when attempting to create a greater understanding and awareness of our own emotions and what kinds of experiences cause negative emotional reactions.

And HOORAYYY, this goes back to the super fun and abstract idea of mindfulness. How can we learn to be more aware of the present moment and be accepting of ourselves and our feelings? By accepting them, labeling them, and taking control of them! Using feeling words is usually really difficult to get into the habit of using so in the past I have given copies of the "Feeling Wheel" to my clients who struggle with identifying their feelings.

So DO IT, try to have a hang out session with a friend withOUT saying "I feel like..." and instead try using "I feel" statements. I promise it's a lot harder than it sounds, but over time you will create a greater understanding and acceptance of your own feelings. It's okay to be crazy emotional sometimes. In fact, last night I was frustrated with a friend of mine so I stayed at home by myself, ate peanut butter, and watched a Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie. We all have those days, I promise. But a resilient person shows their strengths in their ability to continue persevering despite setbacks and continues maintaining hope for the future.

The Life of a Guilt Stricken Mental Health Counselor

The other day one of my patients at the hospital compared been given a mental health diagnosis to developing a criminal record - it follows you forever.

Do I agree with this? WELL YES, I do. I believe mental illness is real, has physiological effects, and requires appropriate treatment. But it doesn't change the fact that I  am incredibly careful to choose the appropriate condition so as to not mislabel the problem.

Unfortunately because of health insurance, each patient who is admitted to the behavioral health center MUST be given a mental health diagnosis of some sort. So naturally when I open a patient's file and see "OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, psychosis NOS, and hoarding disorder," I'm like "yup, just another day at work."

.....But then I'm there, ready to break the computer.

Ok, so that was definitely an exaggeration. I've never seen anyone with that many diagnoses. Don't get me wrong, the majority of these particular patients have serious mental health issues which are rightfully identified, yet I take diagnosis quite seriously. Many patients of mine have expressed frustration regarding how one professional will say they have one condition, and another will diagnose something entirely different. Once again, many people have distinct mental illnesses which demands appropriate treatment. However, mislabeling mental illness can have a multitude of negative effects on the individual, including self fulfilling prophecies!

So in light of all this negativity I've been experiencing, I think it's important to keep in mind why diagnoses are useful and important, despite some of their negative implications.

1) Communication between professionals: A mental health diagnosis is a very short way of explaining a wide variety of symptoms experienced. For this reason, diagnoses are extremely useful when one professional is consulting with a new professional working with the individual. Diagnoses provide a short and sweet way of providing a greater understanding of the client.

2) Ease of access to treatment interventions: Mental health diagnoses often allow individuals to receive a variety of potential treatment strategies though insurance at a discounted price or even free of charge! MO' MONEY, MO' PROBLEMS.

3) Externalizing the issue: Diagnoses also serve as a therapeutic technique in externalizing an individuals struggles. An example would be saying "It's not me, its the bipolar disorder." So often people experiencing mental health issues internalize their condition and may somehow think they are incomplete or screwed up. Diagnosis is useful way to externalize the problem and allow the client to take control over their condition through treatment.

So there you have it! Diagnoses aren't all that bad! I'll agree, it isn't perfect...but for now all I can do is be sure to continue taking diagnoses seriously and keep my clients' best interests in mind.

"I hope you fail."

So today one of my patients at the hospital walked up to me as I was minding my own business, looked me in the eyes and said, "I HOPE YOU FAIL," in regards to the fact that I am a student intern.

It's hard to explain what I was feeling in that moment. Half of me kind of wanted to giggle because it was really random and about 6 confused nurses and techs listened to her public declaration. The other half of me was slightly insulted.

Being a counselor takes tough skin. Hell, being a human being takes tough skin. It's easy to let occurrences like this effect our mood and behaviors for the rest of the day. Sad times. BUT there are ways to lesson the negative consequences of things not going our way, and it involves the way we think and perceive things that happen to us.

This super fun thing called automatic thoughts are essentially all of the thoughts that pop into our minds in reaction to life's daily situations. Some automatic thoughts are more harmful than others and as difficult as it may sound, it is possible to change these thoughts in an attempt to become for positive! Ugh, I know, positivity again. So let's take my failure situation. Here are some of the possible negative automatic thoughts that could've popped into my head in the moment following that charming interaction:

1) My patients don't like me, I must not be relatable or approachable enough.

2) I must have screwed something up to cause her to say that, I AM pretty inexperienced in this field anyway.

3) What a jerk, forget her. She wouldn't know brilliance and beauty if it hit her in the face!

This are pretty drastic and yes, they would be decently harmful for my well being. The goal is when we think this harmful automatic thoughts, we stop ourselves, and try to think about or perceive the situation from a fresh perspective. Try to understand the situation of the other person. Do I really want four words to ruin my day? So here are ways I can "reframe," or think about these particular statements in a new light that is more beneficial to my well being.

1) This patient isn't too crazy about me right now, but it's not my fault. She is upset because her social worker is in a meeting and I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time!

2) It's not my fault, she is trapped in a hospital and needs a way to release her frustrations. This is teaching me how to remain more calm in these situations.

3) I'm not gonna let this bother me. I think I'm pretty cool but I can't expect everyone to love me because that's not possible!

Easy peasy lemon squeezy, right? LOL yeah I know, it's not easy to change your thoughts. But take it one step at a time. First try to catch yourself when you are thinking negative and harmful automatic thoughts. Maybe jot it down in a journal, and reflect on how you can think about the situation in a new way. Just like with any new habit, practice makes perfect! 

How to Relate to the Young Folk

Ok, so I know I'm only 23 years old but sometimes I forget what it was like to be young and pubescent.

I doubt I ever said this to my parents (because yes, I was a "goody two shoes" or whatever you want to call it), but I distinctly remember thinking these sort of snotty comments.

I'm lucky that I'm a bit younger than my coworkers at the hospital because somehow that allows the teens to be more open to trust me. I don't really understand this concept because I was that kid who loved hangout out with the adults but once again, I wasn't an entirely "normal" child. Moral of the story - it isn't too difficult for me to connect with the teens, but sometimes I need some extra guidance! Here are some tips I've learned to be better prepared to relate to my adolescent patients:

1) Give Them a Sense of Control - I know this sounds like a recipe for disaster but you don't have to give them ALL the control, just a SENSE of control. Realistically teens don't have much freedom or control over their lives...depending on the parenting style of course. But it's common for adolescents to just want to do whatever they want and they typically struggle with considering potential consequences beforehand. And we all know that leaving these teens to their own devices would be utter chaos. However when I work with my teens, although they are Baker Acted and required to be in the hospital, I do my best to give them some leeway or choices they can make regarding their treatment. For example, I usually bring two different activities to group and give the teens a choice between the two. Between you and me, I realistically don't give them much control but a little goes a long way!

2) Make Sure They are Well Informed - This holds true for any client, minor or adult, however I believe it is particularly important for teens. Providing information is another action that provides them with a sense of control. Many of my teens were brought against their will and weren't even told beforehand what would happen. Make sure your teens know why they are receiving treatment, what sorts of sessions and activities they will have to participate in, what progress may or may not look like, allow them to ask questions, etc. In general, information gathering helps reduce anxiety or fear of the unknown in any patient.

3) Get on Their Level - This one is my all time favorite and not to toot my own horn, but I'm wonderful at it. My key way to get a teen to open up to me is to make connections that make sense to them. If I need to talk about boy bands, super heroes, punk rock music, rap music, young adult novels, or Disney, I will do it! Lucky for me, I have a lot of similar interests of 15 year olds, which gives me a clear advantage. Teens love to talk about things that they like and if you're able to hone in on that, you're golden. Plus they will see you as "cool," which makes me feel pretty good about myself.

4) Establish Authority - Ok fine, this is the one I kind of suck at. I like to be well liked and sometimes that holds me back from laying down the law when necessary. Basically it takes a firm authority who teens see as slightly intimidating but can also be chill and approachable at the appropriate times. I still haven't figured out how to be that person but I'll let you know once I get a clue.

5) Be Real! - This one is the easiest! People can tell when you are being disingenuous. With teens, it's all about maintaining an appropriate level of professionalism while also not taking yourself too seriously. Because if you get too stuffy they will just want to tell you to take a chill pill like Lizzie McGuire.

Here's a super fun prezi I had to create with these tips for class. I had too much fun searching for the perfect pictures so enjoy!

http://prezi.com/gydrqubnzntm/?utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=copy 

This Is For All You Sleepy Puppies Out There

Oh, hello. This is me today.

Ever have one of those days where multiple people just look at you and say, "OH, you look so tired"? Mmmhmm, that was me today. And I'm like, "Thanks for oh so delicately pointing out the obvious." Today I yawned approximately 27 times while I was in my office between seeing patients. And I realize that this is semi normal, but what happens when we get into a cycle of being constantly exhausted, worn out, and run down? If I don't take care of myself, I won't be able to appropriately help others. Whether it be in my clinical experience or in my personal life. So today we are talking abouttttttttt.....you guessed it, COPING SKILLS. There are ways we can work time into day that involves taking care of ourselves and releasing negative energy or whatever will help to refresh your mind and body.

Everybody seems to have different ways to cope that work for them, but here are a couple of my go-to options. These are just some suggestions that can be tweaked to your liking, everyone is different!:

1) Running - Ok before you shoot me down, I understand that not everybody enjoys running. I love running. But it's important to take note that I don't love running because I feel like I'm dying. I love running because I get fresh air, feel the wind hitting my face, block out the world by listening to music, and focus my energy on releasing any negative feelings or emotions. That can be done by almost any form of physical exertion. Simply going outside and taking the time to acknowledge and appreciate the world around me does WONDERS for my well being.

2) Yoga/meditation - Yeah yeah, I know this is another one that is an acquired taste. I once had a patient tell me "I don't do none of that hippy dippy stuff" in response to a comment about yoga and meditation. So I get it, it's not for everyone. But it's worth trying! Meditation and deep breathing has been proven to have a variety of physical and mental health benefits.

3) Spending time with others - This is kind of a no brainer but how easy is it for us to become so wrapped up in school or work that we find ourselves neglecting our relationships! Every now and then I just need to talk to my friends and eat chocolate and vent and have a dance party. And so do you.

4) Writing - Now this one is my go to suggestion for my fellow introverted patients. Writing is an awesome way to expressed your feelings and emotions without feeling rushed and intimidated about saying it out loud and to somebody's face. Who does that anyway. For example, writing a letter to someone who has hurt you...or you have hurt in the past. Except don't actually give it to the person unless it's appropriate because you might end up coming back to beat me up when that doesn't go over well with the other person. Daily journaling is another great option!

5) Music - This one is the big winner. Everyone seems to love the idea of music as a coping mechanism. Music has a way of making us feel understood and not alone. In fact, nothing feels better to me than finding a song that perfectly portrays how I feel about a particular experience or person. Something I learned from the music therapists at the hospital is how to use music for mood changing. If you are feeling depressed, start out by listening to sad song. But then slowly make the progression of songs you choose less and less sad until you are able to lift your spirits even just a little bit. I'm all about making playlists on Spotify so that idea is perfect for me.

So as adorable as those sleepy puppies and kitties are, don't fall into a rut of chronic exhaustion and neglect to take care of yourself! In fact, I suggest you go adopt a sleepy puppy of your own, but that's just me.

WHOS READY TO GET POSITIVE.

WELCOME TO THE POSITIVITY PARTY. <3.

It's okay if you feel like April Ludgate. You're invited to the party as well.

Being negative is fun sometimes, I get it. Misery loves company. Seriously, I'll be first to admit that I LOVE sipping on wine and complaining to my best friends about anything and everything from school, to men, to being a poor graduate student. But I also cannot stress enough the power of positivity in actually achieving successes in our daily lives. If you envision yourself succeeding and believe that you have the necessary skills, often times you will perform better than if you decided you were a failure or mediocre person. So what are some positive psychology interventions that I like to use/hope to use when I'm actually an experienced counselor? SO glad you asked.

DISCLAIMER: Positive psychology interventions aren't going to work on everyone. For example, someone who is dealing with clinical depression may not find it feasible to engage in these positive thinking interventions. It's incredibly important that the client display openness and readiness to engage in interventions that will be most effective considering their contextual background and experiences.

1) Three good things in life - Oh, hey! This is something I actually do in my own life. So believe it, I do practice what I preach. This intervention involves writing down 3 good or positive things that happened each day. Currently, I journal everyday something good that happened each day and something that I am positive about in my future. And my list is attached to my bathroom mirror so I'm forced to look at it when I wash my hands, brush my teeth, etc. And I can honestly say that it makes a difference. This causes me to be intentional in acknowledging the good things that happen in addition to instilling hope and a vision for the future. Be to be real, it was really difficult when I first started doing it. But now? I find myself thinking throughout the day "Oh! I can write this on my positivity list tonight!"

2) Best possible selves - As a self diagnosed over thinker, I have a tendency to spend way too much time thinking about all the bad things that could happen. But what if we focused on what our lives would be like if we succeeded in our endeavors? In this technique, you are encouraged to write or discuss what your life would look like if things happened as favorably as possible. How would you feel? How would you spend your time? Who would you surround yourself with? In short, envisioning success makes it seem more feasible, thus encouraging and motivating the individual to place effort and focus on their vision for the future.

3) Signature strengths - Now this intervention I actively do with my adolescents quite often. I give my teens paper and tell them to write down 5 positive personality traits they have. Some really struggle coming up with 5, others don't. This presents an opportunity to build up the self esteem of the individual by assisting them in coming up with 5 even though there are many more! The teens also end up contributing positive traits for their peers, which promotes group unity and feelings of belonging within the group. This intervention also presents an opportunity to discuss how we get ideas about whether or not we are smart, funny, loyal, outgoing, etc.

POSITIVITY PARTY IS A SUCCESS. Here's your party favor - try making mental note and journaling something positive or good that happens each day. And go back and read them when you are feeling down! If that doesn't help even just a little, maybe you actually ARE April Ludgate....which actually isn't terrible because I love her but you get the point.

http://www.psych-it.com.au/Psychlopedia/article.asp?id=406 

Wait, How Do I Work This Dadgum Contraption?!

Let's be honest. I'm 23 years old but I often feel this way when I am trying to understand social media and technology in general.

Ok fine, I sometimes have a flair for dramatics. I'm not THAT terrible at technology, but I'm pretty behind on the young, hip ways to connect with others. This week for class I had to make a twitter account. My initial thought? PHOOEY. I'm a pro at facebook but that's about as far as my social media skills go. So I wasn't too hot about the idea of using social media with counseling. Plus the fact that I'm pretty clueless overall. But here's what I do know - there are two main strategies regarding counseling and social media. A type of social media account can either promote a specific counseling practice from a marketing perspective, or can provide a safe online community for individuals with mental health issues.

So WHY am I not so crazy about social media and counseling, do you ask? This primary reason for my hesitance is the shockingly high prevalence of cyber bullying. Individuals sitting at a computer somehow ending up typing terrible, hurtful comments they would never otherwise say in person. I've never really understood this phenomenon and am saddened by the number of young people who commit suicide as a result of cyber bullying. So naturally, I've become a little jaded about social media because of the terrible things it can cause. But when we started discussing this in class, I decided to do some investigative work regarding how social media can be helpful to individuals struggling with mental health issues or cyberbulling.

Here are my super exciting results. While yes, there is an overwhelming amount of media stories regarding cyberbullying and the catastrophic results, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that social media can also provide a solace and safe environment for individuals who are struggling with a variety of issues. If an individual feels alone and is afraid to seek help, a social media outlet is a perfectly suitable option until appropriate treatment is available. I decided to focus my search on depression and discovered an online community called The Black Dog Tribe, in which information, resources, and an environment to connect with others experiencing depression is provided for it's users. According to The Guardian:

"These feelings of isolation and inferiority can break down an already low level of self-esteem and generate resentment in people who are connected to someone with depression, but social networking can also help to regenerate this lost confidence and promote understanding of a common yet deeply misunderstood condition. The Black Dog Tribe website is a part of this initiative, helping to create a supportive environment where people can talk about depression without fear of being stigmatised and providing a starting point for creating strong social bonds."

These types of social media outlets provide a community free from stigmatization. Individuals may be too depressed to leave the house for a counseling appointment. They may be afraid of a counselor not understanding them. They may be afraid of telling their story to another person face to face. This online community removes all of those worries! And while it may not be all the individual needs to function in daily life, it serves as an avenue of encouragement to pursue appropriate treatment for depression.

So like many many other things (such as let's say chocolate), social media can be both detrimental to the wellbeing of an individual's mental health. However, social media can also be incredibly helpful in providing mental health resources and communicating feelings of understanding and belonging to people who may not otherwise be connected to one another.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/dec/02/social-networking-depression-black-dog-tribe

If Grumpy Cat is Your Spirit Animal, Welcome.

We all have our negative nancy moments, I get it. I feel you. But I truly believe there's something to be said about the power of positivity. This semester I have been ALL about this thing called positive psychology.

I know it may be hard to resist your grumpy cat monday ways but stay with me and I promise you can get on my level. Positive psychology is "the branch of psychology that uses scientific understanding and effective intervention to aid in the achievement of a satisfactory life." And yes, I got that definition from the oh so trustworthy Wikipedia. Now I could go on and explain specifics and interventions regarding positive psychology but we're gonna take it one step at a time.

Still feeling grumpy? It's ok. You do you, boo boo. Sometimes we can't help how we feel. But why is it important to adapt a most positive perspective on life? Well I know that in my personal life, if I am in a crappy mood then I'm not able to perform as well at work, I may not be able to be as supportive to my loved ones, and life in general just feels more exhausting.But ever have one of those mornings where you wake up and just KNOW that you're gonna have a good day? When you're able to visualize yourself being productive and happy, it causes you to perform better and do it with a better attitude!

Visualization is a particularly important part of positive psychology to me. Before I enter internship, I envision myself performing the tasks I anticipate...leading group...doing individual counseling and paying special attention to each patient without stressing about time constraints. So once I get into the hospital, I am ready to tackle what I've envisioned myself successfully completing. Here's a super cool example from Psychology Today:

"A study looking at brain patterns in weightlifters found that the patterns activated when a weightlifter lifted hundreds of pounds were similarly activated when they only imagined lifting.  In some cases, research has revealed that mental practices are almost effective as true physical practice, and that doing both is more effective than either alone (link is external). For instance, in his study on everyday people, Guang Yue (link is external), an exercise psychologist from Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio, compared “people who went to the gym with people who carried out virtual workouts in their heads”. He found that a 30% muscle increase in the group who went to the gym. However, the group of participants who conducted mental exercises of the weight training increased muscle strength by almost half as much (13.5%). This average remained for 3 months following the mental training."

So in this situation, individuals who adapted positivity by envisioning themselves performing the exercises performed better and increased muscle strength! So basically you're welcome for telling you the secret to get the most out of your workout. No big deal. But here's my challenge. You may be completely content with your grumpy cat ways. But next time you tackle something you are hesitant or worried about...visualize yourself completing the task. How you hold yourself, how you interact with others, and how this success makes you feel. And when you set out to your task, it won't seem like unknown territory! Then next week, we can look into specifics of positive psychology and how it can be useful with substance abuse and mental health. Stay tuned, and stay positive. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/flourish/200912/seeing-is-believing-the-power-visualization  

Do As I Say, Not As I Do. Duh.

What I'm Saying: 

"Assertiveness is an important way to verbally express how others' actions affect how you feel in a firm and clear, yet gentle and kind way."

What I'm Thinking:

"Okay, cool. I'm gonna teach a group of people how to be assertive while I still can't figure out how to do this properly in my own life."

Wha'ts the best kept secret of all therapists? We are way more like you than it may seem. I, for example, am trained to teach assertiveness training to a group of individuals in recovery from substance abuse. Yet ironically enough I constantly struggle with implementing assertiveness. Each semester of internship we have to make a list of goals for our own personal progress in counseling and EVERY semester assertiveness has been numero uno on my list. I hope revealing this to the world doesn't take away from my credibility. Oh well. Although I can say assertiveness has been researched thoroughly and proven to be a highly highly effective communication skill for healthy relationships. So here's the point - you don't have to feel bad for struggling with depression or social anxiety or assertiveness because chances are your counselor can relate even just a little bit.

So what's so difficult about this assertiveness nonsense? Well LET me tell you. Assertiveness is a way to communicate our thoughts, beliefs, opinions and emotions in a positive confident, yet kind way - being neither passive nor aggressive. And I have always had trouble saying no to people. Wanna hang out friday? Yes! Can you lend me two bucks? Yes! Can you bake cookies for my party? Yes! Will you wash my car then clean my toilet then do my dishes? SURE THING. Just kidding, I would totally say no to that last one. But I'm always afraid of being too aggressive when I say no. So I usually remedy that fear by saying yes instead. But this isn't effective communication. And more importantly for my patients struggling with addiction, this could be detrimental to their recovery! Let's say you are a recovering alcoholic and you get invited to a family get together and big surprise, everybody is drinking and offering you some. How do you say no without sounding like a jerk or having to explain your recovery to someone who doesn't understand? Well...assertiveness exists on a scale smack dab in the middle of passiveness and aggressiveness.

Passivity---------------------Assertion-----------------------Aggression

Passivity usually involves not thinking or acknowledging how you feel or what you are experiencing. So when I say yes to everyone even though I'm stretching myself too thin, I'm probably being too passive. I'm exhausted and I can't do everything! Aggression is essentially the opposite. An individual being aggressive would say no to the drink at the family gathering in addition to using a wide variety of colorful language that may be harmful to relationships. Now, just because you may be too passive or too aggressive doesn't take away from the quality of your character. It just means that you struggle just like me! So how do we be assertive?

1) Think and notice how others actions affect your feelings and experiences. Similarly, think about how your actions and words affect the feelings of others.

2) Use "I" statements

3) Approach difficult situations by saying "what you did or say made me feel _____."

4) Be kind yet firm in your language

Ok so like I've said before, easier said than done. But it's good to have an awareness of how we struggle and how we can improve ourself! For example, I have a tendency to be passive and could benefit from working on number 3 for realzies. So I promise you the more I explain to you about how to implement assertiveness in your relationships, the more I slowly figure out how to be assertive myself. We can do this together, y'all.

Here's a link to a webpage with specifics about assertiveness particularly in addiction recovery:

http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-recovery/assertiveness-in-recovery/

Painfully Honest Mantras of a Therapist in Training

Counseling can be difficult. I speak for myself and my classmates when I say we are all truly starting to understand how listening to the struggles and traumas of other people can cause us to build up excess emotion and carry unnecessary burdens. Sometimes I feel like Zooey Deschanel in this video and am afraid that my emotions will explode while I'm at work, completely destroying any amount of professionalism I have worked to uphold. In the field of mental health, it's so easy to get weighed down by the struggles and the sadness.

So this week I'm going to lighten up my blog a little bit, bring in some ever popular self deprecating humor, and shed light onto what it's like to be a novice intern counselor. Here are the painfully honest yet not completely serious but kind of serious mantras I use to get through the day when I see myself getting all too serious and overwhelmed for my own good.

1) Fake it til you make it. Someday you will actually know what you're doing.

2) As long as your clients don't leave in worse condition than they came to you in, you're not a complete failure.

3) Remember to eat lunch and go to the bathroom every once in a while.

4) He can't read my poker face, p-p-poker face. (Aka you can freak out on the inside as long as you keep that soothing counselor face on.)

5) When all else fails, run to your supervisor and word vomit all over their sorry behind.

6) Relax and go with the flow, you crazy control freak. (This one is probably specific to just me but oh well.)

So what's the point of me sharing this? It's because one of the most important lessons I've learned from my experiences working with adolescents at the hospital is that I absolutely need to encourage and take care of myself in order to help other people. Quite honestly, if I'm a hot mess then other people are going to notice and I will be less competent to perform my duties. That fact alone is what motivates me. These teenagers all have such bright futures and if guiding them through that means I have to tell myself ridiculous sayings to loosen myself up and refocus my efforts, then that's what I'm going to do.

This all ties into the art of mindfulness. If we as humans are able to become more aware of what we are feeling and experiencing in the moment, we then have greater control over how we react to life's stresses, how we behave, and most importantly how we make other people feel. Today one of my patients told me "you can't give what you don't have." And little did she know how much this meant to me! As a novice counselor I must remain in a good place emotionally and spiritually in order to help others. But even more so, we should all take care of ourselves in order to give of ourselves to those we love. So start writing your encouraging personal mantras! They may not be as sarcastic or self deprecatingly humorous as mine but do what you gotta do, boo boo.

Alright, Let's Start Talking

So I've finally begun mastering the art of getting the teenagers at the hospital to feel comfortable talking to me about their deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings. It's all about making connections. I sat down the other day with a 12 year old girl and all I had to do to get her to open up was to ask her what her opinion on the Hunger Games is. Previous to that question, she gave me short, quiet answers. But young adult novels? She could talk endlessly about them. And fortunately for me, I shamelessly read books that are aimed towards 12-17 year olds.

This particular 12 year old attempted suicide. She stole a jar of medication and hoped it would be enough to take her life. Sometimes it's hard to remember what it's like to be 12 years old. But here's what I do remember. Everything is confusing. You don't recognize yourself in the mirror. It's close to impossible to think about what you want for lunch, much less what you want for your future. Relationships seem to lack meaning. Sometimes life lacks meaning. I felt all of these things at 12. But I never once considering taking my own life. Now that doesn't mean I'm any better than this girl. It just means that we are wired a little differently. In addition to the fact that I had an unusually healthy childhood. Always got rewards when I got A's in school. Always had someone to kiss me goodnight. Who's to say what I would've done had I lived the life of this young girl and felt everything she's felt.

Yet when I saw her face when I brought up her favorite hobby, I saw an individual with great potential and joy. She immediately became beautiful when she spoke about the things she loves. She may not recognize this about herself, but it was obvious to me. I could see her as a teacher. As a mother. I could see her coming into the woman she's always hoped to be.

Nobody ever seems to want to talk about suicide, yet it has touched almost every single person in this country, whether directly or indirectly. What are we so afraid of? What can I do to show this sweet 12 year old who is so full of energy and life that her presence in this world has meaning? Well I guess it's all a part of my journey as a counselor, but more importantly as a human. Who knows if I'll ever truly figure it out. But one thing is for sure. We need to start talking. We need to stop brushing things under the rug. We need to stop assuming others can deal with their stresses alone. We need to help others and do it free from judgement. Then maybe we would have a chance to save us from ourselves.

The Tremendous Weight of Step One

What do you think of when you see this picture? Well, here are my immediate thoughts. 1 - This is absolutely gorgeous and communicates a sense of freedom that is rare to ever truly experience. 2 - This person is INSANE. That water is dark so you have no idea how deep it is or what slimy, dangerous monsters lurk beneath. There is white water so there could be a strong tide and there are also rocks and well....that just adds about 100 more ways this situation could end badly.

As I've been learning about the nature of addiction from working in substance abuse treatment, I have been greatly familiarized with the 12 steps. According to this program, you must work through these steps and fully commit to incorporating them to all aspects of your life. And the first step is the big daddy.

1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.

It's the giant cliff over uncharted water and I'm the person encouraging you to make the plunge. How easy it is to say, "not today" or "I'll get to it tomorrow." How often do we as humans take the easy way out? I know I personally do it all the time. Sometimes we aren't ready to commit to a change and must stand on that ledge many times before acting. Working these steps involves hard work, motivation, and of course going to meetings. Once I developed a better understanding of this, I saw my IOP patients in an entirely different light. They were given the chance to jump off a cliff in order to commit to sobriety and they actually did it. The first step is always the most terrifying. Accepting that alcohol or whatever your vice is has taken control of your life. We all know how much humility is needed to admit our weaknesses and ask for help.

I personally have never suffered from addiction and for this reason I sometimes feel incompetent to help others. But I'm an intern, I'm going to make mistakes, but I will put my whole heart into my work. This is my opportunity to learn from these individuals. They stepped off the cliff and trusted that whatever rocks, rapids, and monsters that came below were simply obstacles...surmountable roadblocks they must overcome in order to enjoy a sober life. So I think its pretty safe to say that next time I find myself on the edge of one of these cliffs, I will think twice about taking the easy way out. Thanks to all you brave souls who have plunged into the unknown of treatment despite a multitude of fears and hesitations. We could all learn a thing or two from you.

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-121_en.pdf - Full Twelve Steps

The Most Dreaded Question

If you have ever uttered the words "What am I doing with my life?" either to yourself or to any human being in your vicinity, then we can be friends. My name is Sara, I love having my future planned, and I am the ultimate creature of habit. However, on May 2nd 2015 I will be graduating from FSU with my master's degree in mental health counseling. And guess what? For once in my life I am entirely unaware of what step comes next. What will I do on May 3rd? L-O-L Well, I'm currently an intern working with substance abuse and I often use the phrase "one day at a time." Today I am a student and I will put my heart into my day's work...But then I will secretly go home, continue to freak out about my future, and cope through binge watching Netflix and eating chocolate. Remember to do as I say, not as I do.

I created this blog as an assignment for class, but I have a love for spewing my crazy thoughts so this will be easy. As a future counseling graduate, I can say with certainty that this field is incredibly broad and filled with so many opportunities. So these posts will be full of resources related to the field and particularly my experiences working in substance abuse. Also, you'll become accustomed to my awkward ramblings and unique commentary of the world around me.

All in all, someday I hope to be a therapist who is able to motivate clients to find what is remarkable and special about who they are. I am a firm believer that people don't remember what you say, how you dress, how physically attractive you are, but they do remember you made them feel. Well, I want to make people feel important and counseling is the avenue I have chosen to do so. Getting paid to make people feel good seems like a pretty sweet deal (if only I hadn't racked up such a horrifyingly steep debt of student loans along the way). Don't get me wrong, I still go to work and feel like I have no idea what I'm actually doing and sometimes feel incompetent. In fact I quite often feel like the dog in the picture above. But life is a journey...so I'm here for the ride.