If Grumpy Cat is Your Spirit Animal, Welcome.

We all have our negative nancy moments, I get it. I feel you. But I truly believe there's something to be said about the power of positivity. This semester I have been ALL about this thing called positive psychology.

I know it may be hard to resist your grumpy cat monday ways but stay with me and I promise you can get on my level. Positive psychology is "the branch of psychology that uses scientific understanding and effective intervention to aid in the achievement of a satisfactory life." And yes, I got that definition from the oh so trustworthy Wikipedia. Now I could go on and explain specifics and interventions regarding positive psychology but we're gonna take it one step at a time.

Still feeling grumpy? It's ok. You do you, boo boo. Sometimes we can't help how we feel. But why is it important to adapt a most positive perspective on life? Well I know that in my personal life, if I am in a crappy mood then I'm not able to perform as well at work, I may not be able to be as supportive to my loved ones, and life in general just feels more exhausting.But ever have one of those mornings where you wake up and just KNOW that you're gonna have a good day? When you're able to visualize yourself being productive and happy, it causes you to perform better and do it with a better attitude!

Visualization is a particularly important part of positive psychology to me. Before I enter internship, I envision myself performing the tasks I anticipate...leading group...doing individual counseling and paying special attention to each patient without stressing about time constraints. So once I get into the hospital, I am ready to tackle what I've envisioned myself successfully completing. Here's a super cool example from Psychology Today:

"A study looking at brain patterns in weightlifters found that the patterns activated when a weightlifter lifted hundreds of pounds were similarly activated when they only imagined lifting.  In some cases, research has revealed that mental practices are almost effective as true physical practice, and that doing both is more effective than either alone (link is external). For instance, in his study on everyday people, Guang Yue (link is external), an exercise psychologist from Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio, compared “people who went to the gym with people who carried out virtual workouts in their heads”. He found that a 30% muscle increase in the group who went to the gym. However, the group of participants who conducted mental exercises of the weight training increased muscle strength by almost half as much (13.5%). This average remained for 3 months following the mental training."

So in this situation, individuals who adapted positivity by envisioning themselves performing the exercises performed better and increased muscle strength! So basically you're welcome for telling you the secret to get the most out of your workout. No big deal. But here's my challenge. You may be completely content with your grumpy cat ways. But next time you tackle something you are hesitant or worried about...visualize yourself completing the task. How you hold yourself, how you interact with others, and how this success makes you feel. And when you set out to your task, it won't seem like unknown territory! Then next week, we can look into specifics of positive psychology and how it can be useful with substance abuse and mental health. Stay tuned, and stay positive. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/flourish/200912/seeing-is-believing-the-power-visualization  

Do As I Say, Not As I Do. Duh.

What I'm Saying: 

"Assertiveness is an important way to verbally express how others' actions affect how you feel in a firm and clear, yet gentle and kind way."

What I'm Thinking:

"Okay, cool. I'm gonna teach a group of people how to be assertive while I still can't figure out how to do this properly in my own life."

Wha'ts the best kept secret of all therapists? We are way more like you than it may seem. I, for example, am trained to teach assertiveness training to a group of individuals in recovery from substance abuse. Yet ironically enough I constantly struggle with implementing assertiveness. Each semester of internship we have to make a list of goals for our own personal progress in counseling and EVERY semester assertiveness has been numero uno on my list. I hope revealing this to the world doesn't take away from my credibility. Oh well. Although I can say assertiveness has been researched thoroughly and proven to be a highly highly effective communication skill for healthy relationships. So here's the point - you don't have to feel bad for struggling with depression or social anxiety or assertiveness because chances are your counselor can relate even just a little bit.

So what's so difficult about this assertiveness nonsense? Well LET me tell you. Assertiveness is a way to communicate our thoughts, beliefs, opinions and emotions in a positive confident, yet kind way - being neither passive nor aggressive. And I have always had trouble saying no to people. Wanna hang out friday? Yes! Can you lend me two bucks? Yes! Can you bake cookies for my party? Yes! Will you wash my car then clean my toilet then do my dishes? SURE THING. Just kidding, I would totally say no to that last one. But I'm always afraid of being too aggressive when I say no. So I usually remedy that fear by saying yes instead. But this isn't effective communication. And more importantly for my patients struggling with addiction, this could be detrimental to their recovery! Let's say you are a recovering alcoholic and you get invited to a family get together and big surprise, everybody is drinking and offering you some. How do you say no without sounding like a jerk or having to explain your recovery to someone who doesn't understand? Well...assertiveness exists on a scale smack dab in the middle of passiveness and aggressiveness.

Passivity---------------------Assertion-----------------------Aggression

Passivity usually involves not thinking or acknowledging how you feel or what you are experiencing. So when I say yes to everyone even though I'm stretching myself too thin, I'm probably being too passive. I'm exhausted and I can't do everything! Aggression is essentially the opposite. An individual being aggressive would say no to the drink at the family gathering in addition to using a wide variety of colorful language that may be harmful to relationships. Now, just because you may be too passive or too aggressive doesn't take away from the quality of your character. It just means that you struggle just like me! So how do we be assertive?

1) Think and notice how others actions affect your feelings and experiences. Similarly, think about how your actions and words affect the feelings of others.

2) Use "I" statements

3) Approach difficult situations by saying "what you did or say made me feel _____."

4) Be kind yet firm in your language

Ok so like I've said before, easier said than done. But it's good to have an awareness of how we struggle and how we can improve ourself! For example, I have a tendency to be passive and could benefit from working on number 3 for realzies. So I promise you the more I explain to you about how to implement assertiveness in your relationships, the more I slowly figure out how to be assertive myself. We can do this together, y'all.

Here's a link to a webpage with specifics about assertiveness particularly in addiction recovery:

http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-recovery/assertiveness-in-recovery/

Painfully Honest Mantras of a Therapist in Training

Counseling can be difficult. I speak for myself and my classmates when I say we are all truly starting to understand how listening to the struggles and traumas of other people can cause us to build up excess emotion and carry unnecessary burdens. Sometimes I feel like Zooey Deschanel in this video and am afraid that my emotions will explode while I'm at work, completely destroying any amount of professionalism I have worked to uphold. In the field of mental health, it's so easy to get weighed down by the struggles and the sadness.

So this week I'm going to lighten up my blog a little bit, bring in some ever popular self deprecating humor, and shed light onto what it's like to be a novice intern counselor. Here are the painfully honest yet not completely serious but kind of serious mantras I use to get through the day when I see myself getting all too serious and overwhelmed for my own good.

1) Fake it til you make it. Someday you will actually know what you're doing.

2) As long as your clients don't leave in worse condition than they came to you in, you're not a complete failure.

3) Remember to eat lunch and go to the bathroom every once in a while.

4) He can't read my poker face, p-p-poker face. (Aka you can freak out on the inside as long as you keep that soothing counselor face on.)

5) When all else fails, run to your supervisor and word vomit all over their sorry behind.

6) Relax and go with the flow, you crazy control freak. (This one is probably specific to just me but oh well.)

So what's the point of me sharing this? It's because one of the most important lessons I've learned from my experiences working with adolescents at the hospital is that I absolutely need to encourage and take care of myself in order to help other people. Quite honestly, if I'm a hot mess then other people are going to notice and I will be less competent to perform my duties. That fact alone is what motivates me. These teenagers all have such bright futures and if guiding them through that means I have to tell myself ridiculous sayings to loosen myself up and refocus my efforts, then that's what I'm going to do.

This all ties into the art of mindfulness. If we as humans are able to become more aware of what we are feeling and experiencing in the moment, we then have greater control over how we react to life's stresses, how we behave, and most importantly how we make other people feel. Today one of my patients told me "you can't give what you don't have." And little did she know how much this meant to me! As a novice counselor I must remain in a good place emotionally and spiritually in order to help others. But even more so, we should all take care of ourselves in order to give of ourselves to those we love. So start writing your encouraging personal mantras! They may not be as sarcastic or self deprecatingly humorous as mine but do what you gotta do, boo boo.