"I hope you fail."

So today one of my patients at the hospital walked up to me as I was minding my own business, looked me in the eyes and said, "I HOPE YOU FAIL," in regards to the fact that I am a student intern.

It's hard to explain what I was feeling in that moment. Half of me kind of wanted to giggle because it was really random and about 6 confused nurses and techs listened to her public declaration. The other half of me was slightly insulted.

Being a counselor takes tough skin. Hell, being a human being takes tough skin. It's easy to let occurrences like this effect our mood and behaviors for the rest of the day. Sad times. BUT there are ways to lesson the negative consequences of things not going our way, and it involves the way we think and perceive things that happen to us.

This super fun thing called automatic thoughts are essentially all of the thoughts that pop into our minds in reaction to life's daily situations. Some automatic thoughts are more harmful than others and as difficult as it may sound, it is possible to change these thoughts in an attempt to become for positive! Ugh, I know, positivity again. So let's take my failure situation. Here are some of the possible negative automatic thoughts that could've popped into my head in the moment following that charming interaction:

1) My patients don't like me, I must not be relatable or approachable enough.

2) I must have screwed something up to cause her to say that, I AM pretty inexperienced in this field anyway.

3) What a jerk, forget her. She wouldn't know brilliance and beauty if it hit her in the face!

This are pretty drastic and yes, they would be decently harmful for my well being. The goal is when we think this harmful automatic thoughts, we stop ourselves, and try to think about or perceive the situation from a fresh perspective. Try to understand the situation of the other person. Do I really want four words to ruin my day? So here are ways I can "reframe," or think about these particular statements in a new light that is more beneficial to my well being.

1) This patient isn't too crazy about me right now, but it's not my fault. She is upset because her social worker is in a meeting and I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time!

2) It's not my fault, she is trapped in a hospital and needs a way to release her frustrations. This is teaching me how to remain more calm in these situations.

3) I'm not gonna let this bother me. I think I'm pretty cool but I can't expect everyone to love me because that's not possible!

Easy peasy lemon squeezy, right? LOL yeah I know, it's not easy to change your thoughts. But take it one step at a time. First try to catch yourself when you are thinking negative and harmful automatic thoughts. Maybe jot it down in a journal, and reflect on how you can think about the situation in a new way. Just like with any new habit, practice makes perfect!